Category Archives: profile optimization

Get Better Online Dating Results, In Less Time – eBook

So, I wrote a book.

After many many months struggling with online dating and coming up with solutions (as chronicled on this blog) I decided to succinctly collect everything I’ve learned, including all the time-saving tips, in a single, easy-to-read ebook.

In this book you will discover the secrets of how I:

  • Got a girl to send me her number in her very first message to me
  • Reduced the time I spent online dating from 2 hours to 20 minutes per week
  • Went on up to 4 dates per week with only 20 minutes’ per week investment

But this book isn’t just about online dating; it’s also about Craig’s list personals.

As a FREE bonus, I also decided to include the Craigslist M4W personals ad that has pulled the best for me over the years . . . this is a “Best-of-Craigslist” post that runs over 1,000 words and has 8 illustrations. Pretty much every time I run this ad, I get you 30+ real women responding with their pictures.

Running this ad will have you feeling like a hot chick. True, you’ll have to modify it for your city, but once you do, you’re golden.

How would you like to see the below in your inbox? 

Get dozens of women emailing you with this killer CL ad. (If not more.) It works.

Get dozens of women emailing you with this killer CL ad. It works.

Here’s a more complete rundown of what’s included in the book:

  • The 3 things that must be in your profile (page 18)
  • Why your writing skill doesn’t really matter to a girl (page 22)
  • Why the online dating websites want you to fail, and how to succeed despite them (pages 4 – 11)
  • Why it doesn’t matter what your first message says (page 13)
  • The 5 rules for creating profiles that stand out from the crowd (page 20)
  • Real-life examples of profiles that grab a woman’s attention and don’t let go (page 29)
  • The 9 photography techniques you need to apply to have the best possible photos (page 33)
  • The one messaging technique that improved my reply rate by 40% (page 37)
  • Real-life examples of messages that got the best replies from women (page 40)
  • Super-confident & aggressive messages that either get you in the door right away or crash-and-burn terribly (use with caution!) – page 43
  • How to interpret what she writes back (page 45)
  • How to get her phone number in four messages or less (page 47)
  • FREE BONUS: The only personals ad you’ll ever need — post this ad on Craigslist or your favorite online personals board and you will get women emailing you their photos within minutes — in some cases this ad has pulled over 100+ messages from women within 2 daysI includes the entire 1,135 word personal ad, word-for-word, and links to the 8 hand-drawn illustrations crafted to go along with it. (You MUST use this ad responsibly!)

So what are you waiting for?

online-dating-ebook-3d

Online Dating for the Modern Man + Bonus: The Only Personals Ad You’ll Ever Need. Now just $27 with instant PDF download

 Get your instant download

REFUND GUARANTEE:

Every good product has a guarantee and mine is no exception.

I am so confident that you will get value out of this book — especially if you take the time to use the FREE bonus craig’s list personals ad — that I will refund your money 100%, for up to 90 days after your purchase date if you use the material therein and don’t get the results you want.

Basically, the book is the cost of a deli sandwich — and I’m offering to give you the cost back even after 3 months have past if you don’t like the taste of the sandwich.

I think you’ll agree that is a pretty solid guarantee.

So buy with confidence!

Why Are You Getting Crappy, Unimaginative Messages?

I’ve cracked the case. I’ve discovered one of the biggest scourges of online dating success, for both men and women.

This, ladies and gentleman, is why you never get any good messages from people you find hot:

  • Your profile contains 0 proper nouns 

Okay, so I didn’t do a scientific study to establish this, but it is, in my humble opinion, an open-and-shut case. I’ve studied thousands (no, I mean, thousands) of women’s dating profiles, and at this point, hundreds of guys’ profiles (no, I haven’t gone to bat for the other team; I’ve started reviewing guys’ profiles to help improve them). And the problem is pernicious and persistent for both genders.

This is how it typically goes for a woman:

  • Check out a guy’s profile
  • It’s generic, boring, bland, blah
  • This guy doesn’t stand out from the crowd.
  • Why should I message him?
  • I can’t think of a reason.
  • NEXT!

Girls, you are guilty of this too — and this is what the experience is like, from a guy’s perspective:

  • Check out a girl’s profile
  • It’s generic, boring, bland, blah
  • There is literally nothing in her profile I can reference, make a joke about, etc.
  • So what do I message her?
  • I can’t think of anything.
  • Wait, maybe I’m supposed to make something up that’s witty, but it’ll sound generic and copy-paste without any reference to her profile.
  • Too much effort.
  • NEXT!

And that’s just for average-looking girls. The bland-profile problem seems to be exacerbated for better-looking girls — or to be more precise, for the girls I can deduce spend more time thinking about their appearance, as evidenced by the numerous “hot” photos they’ve posted, the amount of time they spend in makeup, with hair done, cleavage-enhanced, etc.

Here’s how things go for those “hot” girls:

  • Check out a girl’s profile
  • It’s generic, boring, bland, blah.
  • She’s given me ZERO opportunity to relate to her as a human being.
  • But wait, she’s hot.
  • So what do I message her, “You’re hot?”
  • I guess I’ll just do that then. It’s my only chance.
  • Woman is all like, “Ewww, guys are just after me for my looks!”

See?

(Hot) women, you are complicit in the type of messages you get!

If you are tired of being called out by guys just for your looks, then please, for God’s sake, give us something else to call you out for! 

If you’re tired of getting these crappy, unimaginative messages, maybe it’s because you have a crappy, unimaginative profile!

But wait, I hear you say. I’m a hot woman! “Effort” is anathema to me! I put my effort into my appearance, and in uploading hot photos to the site!

Then don’t be disappointed when that’s all guys comment on.

If your social and reproductive value is primarily in how hot you are, don’t be surprised when guys pick up on that, and ask to date you simply for that reason. There’s a sick double standard in asking you girls to be pretty, and then asking you to get mad at guys who comment on the fact that you’re pretty.

It’s easier in person because in person, I get a sense for your personality, goals and ambitions in the first microsecond I meet you. I don’t know I know these things, but I do, and they enable me to relate to you as a human being.

On the internet, all I have is photos and text — you might as well be a dog I’m thinking of adopting. If you’ve failed to do a really good job convey your unique personality in those photos and text — and let me be clear, this is not easy to do — then it’s an almost hopeless game for both of us.

(And, yes, I know most of the guys commenting in your looks are doing it in an incompetent way. We’ll leave a discussion of competent vs. incompetent male attention for another day. For today, I’m just trying to drive the point home: bland profile = bland messages.)

One of the big sins of online dating is that it equalizes the playing field, i.e., it doesn’t take into account male and female sex and gender and value differences. So, until a site comes along that does, you might have to think and behave a little outside-the-box in order to get the results you want.

It’s really simple: don’t want to be objectified? Stop objectifying yourself. Put the cleavage away. Show us pictures of you cuddling your cat in a sweater while sitting on a stack of Great Literature instead.

You know what attracts smart guys? Mystery, intrigue, and a commensurate display of intelligence on your part. Guys like solving problems and puzzles. Give them a freakin’ puzzle to solve. Give them an obstacle to crash through. (And no, that obstacle shouldn’t be “I’m not on here much.”)

And please, God please, add some proper nouns to your profile. 

Proper nouns are easy, and fun. See, like this!:

  • Azores
  • Baryshnikov
  • Chlamydia
  • Dostoevsky
  • Euripides
  • Frank Zappa
  • Garfield
  • Hemingway
  • Io

See? So easy!

Just to spell it out further, here are the clear win-conditions and lose-conditions I’m trying to convey here.

LOSE CONDITIONS

#1

Can’t imagine my life without my
Friends, Iphone, my bike, potato chips, tea, and chocolate.

“iPhone,” while technically a proper noun, is so ubiquitous as to be useless. I love my iPhone too! I don’t know anyone eles who likes iPhones! Let’s date!

#2

I party, study, play with my cats, make a mess of my apartment, and clean it back up again. To understand my day-to-day, imagine this on a never-ending loop. That’s all I’ll give you, ask me if you want more.

Hi, I would really like more detail about your never-ending-loop of a life. Like, why don’t you insert me into this loop, since your pictures prominently feature your ample cleavage, and I am the #1 fan of ample cleavage?

WIN CONDITION (so rare I could only find one example)

Here are some things I’ve done in my life. . .

Collected ancient Greek pottery in Thebes.
Went to Disneyland in Tokyo when all the elementary schools had the day off (Jesus…).
Made Kid Cudi buy me a drink because he was mean.
Played with halogenated solvents.
Dressed up like Ke$ha, only to be mistaken for her later in the night.
Danced to Biz Markie with the huge guy from The Green Mile.

That block of text is almost 50% proper nouns. I don’t even know what half that stuff is, but it sounds impressive, so I’m attracted. And, she name-drops famous people, which is both obnoxious and hot. That’s the way you do it.

Listen, men and women are equally guilty of writing these snore-fest profiles. But men and women are equally interested in the love & affection that can result from a really good match on a dating website.

You want that really good match? Then hang that personality out there — your specific personality, as identified through proper nouns.

Get the eBook! Tips that maximize your time spent online dating for minimum effort. Just $7.99. Instant PDF download. Click the cover to buy

Get the results you deserve! My 60-page PDF guide to minimize your effort and maximize your results. Click here to buy or here to learn more

Dating Cliches to Avoid Like the Plague

Cliches, they bore me.

They bore everyone else, too, which is why, if you don’t want your online dating profile to read like a snore-fest, you ought to go through with a scalpel and ruthlessly excise any cliches from your online dating profile.

OkCupid has a great blog post on on this topic entitled The REAL ‘Stuff White People Like” (as well as black people, Asian people, Indian people. . . .) that you should read to get a start on this stuff. Below, for reference, I’ve pasted some of the most commonly-used obnoxious cliches for male and female profiles, as well as adding some of my own commentary to the bottom.

Men: Don’t let me catch you saying you like this stuff (unless you really, really love it)

  • guitar
  • golfing
  • most sports
  • brew
  • boating
  • hockey
  • jeep
  • grilling
  • boats
  • skiing
  • software
  • mostly rock
  • i’m a country boy
  • i can fix anything
  • a few beers
  • great sense of humor / i’m funny
  • looking for a nice girl (no shit, Sherlock)
  • equally comfortable going out to crazy parties as sharing a glass of wine and cuddles at home (right. Most people are equally comfortable with these things, so don’t mention it. It would be worth mentioning if you were equally comfortable delivering a baby horse in a rural stable as creating stop-motion Matrix reproductions using paper mache. Otherwise, don’t mention it.)

Women: Don’t you dare mention these pastoral fantasies (unless they make up 80% or more of your life)

  • horseback riding
  • bonfires
  • horses
  • summertime
  • wine
  • coffee
  • thunderstorms
  • fashion
  • yoga
  • baking cooking
  • tea
  • chocolate
  • trying out new things
  • foodie
  • want a guy with hygiene (he’s not going to change his hygiene for you)
  • want a guy with a job (no duh)
  • must have your own car (see above)

What are some cliches that absolutely drive you crazy? Leave your own in the comments.

Get the eBook! Tips that maximize your time spent online dating for minimum effort. Just $7.99. Instant PDF download. Click the cover to buy

Get the results you deserve! My 60-page PDF guide to minimize your effort and maximize your results. Click here to buy or here to learn more

Your Online Dating Profile Needs Work

What?? No it doesn’t! It’s perfect! I’ve spent hours laboring over it!

These were exactly my thoughts when I first sought feedback on my OkCupid profile. Sadly, I was wrong: my laborious hours had not, in fact, resulted in the world’s sexiest profile. There were still things  I could do to improve it. Major things, in fact.

Guys, this post is for you. Ladies, I’ll address your profiles in a future post.

Okay, so you’ve fired up an OkCupid account, uploaded a few flattering pictures, and done a pretty good job writing an introduction that will catch the ladies’ eyes: you’ve remained humble while sounding genuine, threw in a few “lols” so she knows you’re an easy-going guy, and highlighted how hard-working and responsible you are. You’ve got a job. You’ve got a car. You have your own apartment.

Game on, right?

Wrong. I’m here to tell you that, no matter how much time you’ve put into your online dating profile, it’s probably still not good enough.

This doesn’t mean you should spend more time. Nothing is more common in online dating than spending a HUGE amount of time and getting tiny results. That’s the default trap that people fall into: “Oh, this is like reviewing resumes; so the more time I put into it, the better my results will be.” Wrong again.

(This mistake is not limited to guys, by the way: I know some women view Match.com as a part-time job and spend 10 hours a week for 6 months going through guys’ profiles. Some of them even get married. Is that just the price of happiness? I don’t believe so.)

As with most things, it’s doing the right things, not doing a lot of things, that will get you the results you desire. It’s the difference between efficiency and effectiveness: some guys I know can send 100 messages an hour. They’ll have better results than me, right? No, they won’t, because although they’ve gotten very fast at sending copy-paste or even semi-personalized messages to girls, they haven’t stopped to ask themselves “Am I doing the right thing?”

And that’s what this blog is all about: not doing things right, but doing the right things.

Let’s Explode Some Myths

Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be an awesome writer to have a profile that “works” for you. Smart women will realize that good writing skills are an indication of . . . good writing skills. There is no relationship between your writing skills and your relationship or love skills. This author is a case in point.

In accord with popular belief, you should use proper spelling, punctuation and grammar. You should leave out obnoxious text-speak. This signals that you are intelligent enough and care enough to put on a clean pair of clothes in the morning. I’m serious: grammar, spelling and punctuation is to the online world what clean, fitted clothes are to the real world.

Would you go to a bar wearing dirty sweatpants and sweat-stained wife-beater full of holes? No, you wouldn’t. Neither should you go to the OkCupid Club with your participles dangling out and your tenses unmatched.

Okay, back to your profile. There are three simple rules you need to follow to write a kickass profile that will actually get you dates with cute women:

  1. Show don’t tell
  2. Humor & Confidence
  3. Not taking life too seriously 

Let’s take these one at a time.

Show Don’t Tell

In reviewing guys’ profiles at the OkCupid subreddit, I’ve typed this over and over again until there’s a permanent path worn on my keyboard: show, don’t tell. This is a cardinal rule of writing fiction and it applies doubly to an online profile.

Don’t say you’re a funny guy. Crack a joke instead. Don’t say you’re confident and authentic. Write so that your natural confidence and authenticity comes through. Don’t say you’re a champion motocross racer. Post pictures & video of yourself winning races instead.

Do this: comb through your profile looking for sentences that start with the phrase, “I am. . .”. Delete them all. Re-write with declarative statements or story-telling that gets to the same thing. You cannot use the phrase “I am.” (Not even “I am looking for a fairy princess with sparkle-dust on her eyelashes.” Rewrite that to say, “Fairy princesses with sparkle-dust on their eyelashes might awaken my inner Aladdin, but only if they’re prepared to sew up my carpet.”)

Okay, I’ve belabored the point enough. On to the next most important thing; Humor & Confidence.

Humor and Confidence 

I just have to take a historical time-out to talk about pick-up culture for a minute.

Back in the early days of the “pick-up-artist” subculture, a guy named Eben Pagen coined a term called “cocky & funny” to express a winning communication style that generated attraction between men and women.

Words matter, and Eben’s choice of words, while bringing a lot of success to a lot of guys, also steered many, many guys off course. Guys emphasized “cocky” and started acting like assholes towards women. Guys emphasized “funny” and started acting like clowns. Many went from socially awkward losers to socially awkward ass-clowns.

But the concept underneath Pagen’s word choice is sound; he just chose the wrong words.

I’d like to suggest that the right words are Confidence & Humor. Confidence, not cockiness, attracts women like no other. Women want to be with a man who is confident in himself, in his abilities, in his place in the world, in his leadership. Humor, not merely being “funny,” has to do with having a unique perspective on the world, and on not taking reality too seriously.

The combination is what women truly want. A woman might call up a confident man to fix something, but if he lacks this unique perspective on the world that puts him at ease, if he lacks humor, she won’t be as attracted to him, because she doesn’t have any fun in his presence. A woman might enjoy partying with a man who has humor, because she feels at ease with him and enjoys his presence, but if he lacks confidence in himself and in what he wants, she will not see him as a man, a masculine creature, a sexual creature.

Back on track: your profile must exude confidence & humor. Why do I say exude? What rule did we just learn? Yes, that’s right, your profile must convey — and not in a declarative fashion — that you are a man who trusts himself, his place in the world, who is on his mission, and who doesn’t take any of it too seriously.

That last part is particularly important, and it leads us directly into the third principle. . .

Not Taking Life Too Seriously

Online dating, just like real-life dating, is a delicate balance: you must try, but not too hard.

Trying too hard is the kiss of death for men. An attractive, high-status male epitomizes ease in all his interactions with the world. He doesn’t overwork it.

A man who lacks confidence overworks it. He tries to “kill it” so hard that his efforts become a turn-off. Everyone can see him struggling. He’s a try-hard.

This is a delicate balance to strike, and the best way to strike it is to get feedback. But here are some general attitudes to start cultivating in yourself.

  • You’re a busy guy. You’re not on the online dating website 24/7.
  • You’re not super invested in the outcome of online dating. If you make cool friends, awesome. If you don’t, awesome. You might meet a girl you really like. Who knows?
  • Online dating is not your mission in life; your mission in life is your mission in life.
  • Your mission in life, by the way, should suck up at least 80% of your waking life. If it doesn’t, you need to get your life to a place where it does. The search for a woman should not suck up more than (at most!) 20% of your life.

Rewrite your dating profile with these principles in mind: Show don’t tell, convey confidence & humor, and don’t take any of it too seriously, and your results will begin to improve auto-magically.

If you get stuck, give me a ring.

Get the eBook! Tips that maximize your time spent online dating for minimum effort. Just $7.99. Instant PDF download. Click the cover to buy

Get the results you deserve! My 60-page PDF guide to minimize your effort and maximize your results. Click here to buy or here to learn more