Okay, so here’s a question that a lot of guys have on their minds when they first begin using online dating.
- What do I say in a message to a girl?
You can say anything, but you want to make it good right?
Luckily, it turns out that most men send pretty incompetent — i.e., not great — messages. The vast majority seem to consist of “sup” or “hey you’re cute” or “wanna date me” or something else that seems to have taken almost zero effort.
It’s not very hard to write a better message than “sup bab-ee.” But in between that abysmal message and a really good, stand-out, 1% of attractive guys message is a vast, dream-littered field of mediocrity.
The goal of this article is to get you safely through that field of mediocrity and at least closer to a 1% message. Here’s what that message will look like.
Humor and Confidence
The message needs to convey your unique sense of humor, and your confidence in yourself.
You need to say things that communicate that you don’t take the whole thing too seriously. Don’t apologize or be contrite for messaging her. Don’t fawn over her. Don’t mention her looks. She knows you’re attracted to her on a physical level; that’s a given if you’re messaging her.
Humor and confidence. Confidence and humor.
Call to Action
My assumption here is that most women appreciate, on some level, a take-charge kinda guy. That’s the kinda guy you want to be (another assumption).
Don’t be afraid to end every message with a “call to action” — a directive that she email you. “Message me back” can work. So can “Anyway, email me,” and a thousand variations on the theme.
It’s amazing to me how many guys wonder why their online conversations stale out. When they share the back-and-forth with me, it invariably turns out that they weren’t directive in any way.
This is the messaging equivalent of ‘making a move,’ in the real-world and, like the real world, fortune favors the bold. Tell her what you want her to do; she can then decide if she wants to comply or not. (Hint: most of the time, she wants to comply.)
Reference her profile
If you’re looking for a serious or semi-serious relationship (or at least entertaining the possibility) it doesn’t hurt to demonstrate to her that you’ve read her profile.
Please, please, please, go beyond saying, “I also like X.” This is mediocre.
Instead, say something controversial, challenging, or noteworthy, like “I bet I can eat ice cream faster than you. Let’s find out.” Or “Marky Mark’s career is really overrated; I ran into him in the bathroom one time, and he agreed with me.” Or something even better.
Stand out & Keep it Short
These last two are your bonus pro-tips. To stand out, try this tactic: create a female profile in your city, let the messages pour in for 24-48 hours, and then review the messages and take note of what every other guy in your city is doing to approach these women. Note what makes you annoyed, aggravated, or incredulous. Think of it as an exercise in “thinking like a woman” (not a bad habit to get into to build compassion, in fact.)
Then, plan your message strategy around being notably different from that.
For keep it short, I generally recommend your messages be no longer than 2-5 lines at the most. She isn’t trying to read a novel. You just need to convey humor, confidence, and demonstrate that you are a unique guy, and do it succinctly (remember: show, don’t tell.)
What awesome messages have you found that have worked really well? Share in the comments section below!